Bankers Are Wankers! - Opening An Account

If you are not fortunate enough to come to the UK via an intra-office transfer where most of your banking needs would have been sorted for you, you unfortunately will have to navigate the frustrating and tedious waters of opening a banking account here.  Now the reasons for this being so difficult is that:

1) credit does not transfer internationally
2) terrorism laws
3) Piss poor admin at UK banks (more on that later)

Now the fact that your credit score does not transfer to the UK could be really great if your US credit score was the same as your shoe size.  Or really bad if you had immaculate credit.  Either way, you will have to start over fresh here and that means having NO credit.  Therefore the banks will be a bit leary about having you open an account and will make you jump through hoops accordingly. There is also the anti-terror laws that have pretty strict residency requirements.  So you will inevitably have to prove your identity several times and you also need to prove that you have a job.  Trying to open an account by depositing a large of amount of cash without any job willl be frowned upon.


The four major banks here are: Barclays, NatWest, HSBC and Lloyds TSB.  Their requirements differ slightly for each account but at the very minimum you need to provide:

 - Your passport w/ visa
 - Proof of your UK address. (ie a utility bill)
 - Your official letter of acceptance for a new position or a pay stub for any current position that you have

Now this all seems simple right?  So what's with the title, Bankers Are Wankers?  Well firstly, its amusing, at least to me. And I could get into the fact that everyone masturbates, so it's really not that inaccurate either.  But I'll save THAT discussion for another day.  The real reason why Banks are Wanks is that their administration is rubbish.  Even if you have all of the paperwork I've listed above and then some,  they will inevitably still take their sweet time to open an account.

The worst offender seems to be NatWest.  I have spoken to a few people and they all tell the same story.  They walked into the branch.  They filled out all of the paperwork and provide appropraite documentation.  They were promised their debit cards in a week's time.  But their debit cards never came.  Instead they had to return to the bank several times to fill out the same forms and submit the same paperwork because it as misplaced or incorrect or .  I spoke to one friend who went through this merry-go-round for SIX MONTHS and in the end he just gave up and went to Barclay's where they managed to open his account in 5 days.  So in short, go to Barclay's or Lloyds TSB as they seem to not have these administrative issues.

But if you know in advance that you'll be coming to the UK, HSBC has this amazing Passport account that will allow you to open your account before you've even stepped foot in the UK.  The requirements are similar to the one above, you just have to show proof of your overseas address as well as prove that you'll be in the UK for more than a year.  The proof of staying past one year seems to trip up some people because if you can't prove that then they'll decline your application.  Don't fret.  If this happens, just open an account with Lloyds TSB or Barclays when you arrive.

Some other things to keep in mind...

Barclays has an agreement with Bank of America.  So you can use your BofA debit card at a Barclays ATM without incurring any charges.  The same goes for if you are using your Barclays card at a BofA ATM.

If you have a US HSBC account, you can not convert that into a UK account.  Apparently they are two completely different entities.  So while it may be nice to try and open an account in the US to use in the UK, it doesn't quite work that way.  I know because I tried!

The Joys of Working for a British Company

Despite my many grumblings (£100 gift certificate to Mark's & Spencer is not the same as a bonus, just saying), there are a few perks to working for a British company.

Minimum 25 days vacation

Just typing that seems outrageous and awesome at the same time.  Thanks to an EU directive, all EU countries must give their employees a minimum of 25 days vacation. Note, that this does not include national holidays. I still to this day have no idea what to do with all of this time and equally wonder how I survived with the measly 2 weeks that I was given in the States.  Oh, wait, now I remember.  I was conveniently sick on Mondays and Fridays.

Pub Lunches

It's Friday! And after a long week in the office, there is nothing better then getting together with a few co-workers and celebrating the forthcoming weekend with a glass of wine or three if you work in my office! 
Got a bit drunk? It's okay.  It seems to be perfectly acceptable to return to your desk a bit tipsy. After all, you were just at the pub.  Your boss may even be a bit offended if you came back completely sober as it would show you're not a team player!

9 to 5 really means 9 to 5

Now I'm used to 9 to 5 really meaning 9 to 6 as you have to account for your hour lunch.  Not so in the UK where you effectively have a 7 hour work day as that one hour between 9 and 5 is blocked off for lunch and nothing else.  Also the moment and I mean the very second that the clock strikes 5, your office will be deserted.  You'll know when its happened, because the office will suddenly become so quiet that your typing will start to echo throughout the building. 

Unlimited sick days

Again, this is an alien concept to me.  The first time I asked HR about sick days, they looked at me completely baffled and asked "How can you put a limit on the number of days that you're sick? If you're sick, you're sick."  Translation:  You have unlimited sick days. Now keep in mind, you have a legal obligation to produce a doctor's note if you have been sick for five consecutive work days. Most companies will require you to fill out some sort of sick leave form upon your return to the office and you won't get full pay if you are sick for an extended period of time.  However, if you wanted to call in sick for four days due to a  last minute holiday to Spain nasty flu, there really isn't anything that you're company could do to stop you.  But you might get a few questions about your amazing tan upon return so be sure to cover up!

UK Visa Changes

These changes go into effect 6 April 2010 and affect the Tier 1 (highly skilled worker) and Tier 2 (skilled workers with job offers) visas.  I offer a summary of the changes below along with a link to the official statement issued by the Home Office.

Tier 1 changes

There will be changes to the point system which will apply not only to new applicant but also to those who are renewing their Tier 1 visa.  This new point's system will not apply to those in the Highly Skilled Migrant Programme, writers, artists, composers and self-employed lawyers.

For new applicants, you will only be granted an 2 year visa.  However, you can renew it for 3 years.



For any doctors or dentists in training, there will be new restrictions to prevent overseas doctors/dentists from taking resident's places.  This will be further clarified on 6 April.

Tier 2 changes

These changes will affect Tier 2 general and intra-company transfer visas.  There will be a change to the point's system for initial applications.  For visa renewal application, all Tier 2 applicants will be given 50 points to mitigate the impact of the changes.

There are new sub-categories for intra-company transfers.  They are javascript:void(0)established staff, graduate trainee and skills transfer.

Established Staff
The minimum overseas (non-UK) experience for established staff has been raised from 6 months to 1 year.  The established staff category can no longer be used for permanent settlement in the UK.  These changes will only apply to new Tier 2 (intra-company transfer) applicants.  Anyone here in the UK prior to 6 April is excluded. 

Graduate Trainees
The minimum overseas experience is 3 months.  The maximum stay in this category is 12 months.  There are no extension for this category or the option to switch into other immigration categories.  This sub-category is only open to migrants who are working in a graduate occupation.  You can find a list of these in Appendix A of the link below.

Skills Transfer
There is no minimum employment requirement for this category.  This category is really for people whose skills are to transferred to the UK but not their job. (That's a bit confusing!)  The maximum grant of stay under this category is 6 months and this is also only open to those who are working in graduate occupations.

Official Statement of Policy

The Two Universal Truths

1. You will die.
2. The IRS are bastards.

Thought that you got out of having to file US income taxes because you moved moved abroad???  Or think that just because you're a dual citizen, you don't have to pay taxes seeing how you're a Brit, employed as a Brit and working for a British company????

Think again.  The MAN still has you in it's grips.  The good news is that you can exclude up to $91,400 of your income and all Americans abroad get an automatic extension until 15 June to file.  However be forewarned that if you wait until 15 June and just happen to owe Uncle Sam some money, you will be charged interest starting from 15 April.  So much for an extension. 


In addition to filing taxes, you are obligated to inform the IRS if you have a foreign bank account with more than $10,000.  And yes, you must report this even if the foreign bank account happens to be in the country with which you hold dual citizenship.  Man, I can't get a break!

Want to vent your anger on the MAN or just get more information? IRS=bastards

Need tax preparation assistance?  The U.S. Embassy has a few suggestions.